Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
