Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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