I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
