Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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