what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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