11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
