Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
