You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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