I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
