He is an equal opportunity slut.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
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Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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