Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
