so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
