It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
