I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
