Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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