carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.