ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now