How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i now understand why vodka
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