My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i love accidental penises.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
