I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
