So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
