I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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