So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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