i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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