i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize