i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
