my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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