Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
