My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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