I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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