I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
