smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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