she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
