I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
