Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
