shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
