just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I party with great urgency now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
