I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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