i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
