if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
