apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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