I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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