i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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