On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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