if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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