ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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