Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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