he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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