I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
