bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
