Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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