sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize