His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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