i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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