Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Houston, we have a squirter
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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