I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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