lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
