Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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