My brain says no but my pants say off.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
