just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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