Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
