U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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