he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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