Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
