How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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